June 12 Re: [CFront] communication text

From: cfront-admin@cfront.org [mailto:cfront-admin@cfront.org]On Behalf Of island
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 11:44 PM
To: cfront@cfront.org
Subject: Re: [CFront] communication text

hi everyone

so I'm back now-although my thoughts are still with everyone in the Mexican
House, in the restaurant and around the kitchen table in our flat...

the morning of my departure-Kristel brings cherries-I think she is a
little cherry herself-looking at her makes us all feel happy-I buy warm
bread and make coffee in the saucepan as usual (a tradition of 7 days
standing) - Saso makes sandwiches for my journey - he gives me his t-shirt
and Alexander gives me comics and offers me his clean socks - Luka doesn't
give me anything, at least not any presents - I only cry in the taxi after I
wave good bye to Saso and we turn the corner - and then on the coach while I
wait for hours to leave Plovdiv for real - when the coach departs the city
unfolds as a series of minor incidents, fleeting gestures - later the road
is
fringed with lavender

I am proud of myself - my own private adventure-I have navigated my way
across
the country - negotiated prices of taxis-communicated in the breach between
English and Bulgarian - in the cab we take a sharp bend and I have a feeling
of approximate belonging - even though I know it doesn't make any sense

in the airport I meet Illiyana and we discuss the conference - I meet a
Russian girl who says she is a second year medical student collecting money
to pay for her course - she also exchanges foreign currency so I buy some
stirling from her - waiting is punctuated only by cigarettes - I observe
re-unions accented with lillies, with roses - in the departure lounge a
child
passes the time by practising walking on her heels

on the plane I am not afraid - I think about geography - not new geography -
but
the way the land reveals it's history if you know how to look - I know a lot
about maps and I know where borderlines are drawn, but I guess my geography
is about people - how far away they are and when I will get to see them
again

emotional mapping

well I think I am supposed to feedback or sum up things as I see them -
there is
always a problem with clarity when you have developed the habit of seeing
things from all sides - it's all questions - but I'll try

have we been merely self referential/looking inward/celebrating ourselves
and eachother? (chopping vegetables, shopping for vegetables, laughing,
talking, presenting, grilling, singing) - is the web site just vanity
publishing?- have we been emotional and not cerebral...not theoretical?-does
it look as if we are in two camps theory and practice, those who produce,
those who critique, analyse, evaluate? [if this is the case then I would say
I am an outsider-I haven't managed to position myself in either-perhaps
through force of habit I am in the coffee-making camp] - I don't agree with
these divisions - but I also observe them playing themselves out - has
documentation/evidence of our doings become the main content for the Cfront
experience? are we endlessly quoting ourselves?

are we just cultural tourists? (have we not advanced the discussion since
last year when this
question was raised) is it possible to be anything other than a cultural
tourist, even at home? is there something to be redeemed from this
process-or does this invalidate it all?

so what about new geography? I think we have to be careful of this constant
desire to dispense with history/memory-this need to see a revolution in what
might be a re-configuration, a re-formation or just a slight shift in
perception-perhaps this seems like a reactionary position and I certainly
don't mean to say I think everything stands still

I do think we need to keep asking questions

this is not a criticism of anyone I am completely implicated in it all

love you all

Jane

ps personally my most memorable times managed to escape the scrutiny of the
camera or
microphone-the best bits won't be televised!